


Learning to Fly

by JustAnotherMaybe



Series: The Lost Boys [2]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: AU, Clark grew up, F/F, F/M, Finally, Grizz has a new last name, Grizz has a sad childhood, M/M, Personal Growth, Pining, There will be more deep things talked about, They talk about lots of deep things, its still grizz though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-30 17:16:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19407775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherMaybe/pseuds/JustAnotherMaybe
Summary: Helena had always had a plan. Sam should have known better. He should have known that the impossible was always an option. Grizz had always seemed impossible - but Grizz didn't believe in impossible.---Note: depictions of violence in chapter 9. Just so anyone with sensitivity to such topics is aware. Take care of yourselves, y'all.





	1. Chapter 1

It seemed that Gareth had lived everywhere. During his years at college, he’d spent time in Korea and Japan – on top of the six months he spent living in Korea prior to his start at Harvard. He’d also spent part of his Master’s in Taiwan, and a portion of his doctorate in China. He’d been to Greece to study… something. He did a post-doc in Italy, and he spent time in Paris for something, as well. Everyone in West Ham loved following his stories, and they could hardly contain themselves when he posted a new picture. He’d finally figured out social media, it seemed.

Sam was glad that Grizz had learned how social media worked. It meant that he could follow Grizz’s travels. He always wished he could go with. He always wished he’d told Grizz that he’d been in love with him. That was always hard – realizing just how badly he’d ruined their friendship. He didn’t think about it too much, anymore, at least. That didn’t mean he didn’t think about it, though.

He could never read the captions under Grizz’s posts. That asshole had to go and show off how he learned the language of wherever he lived. It was all Greek to Sam, even though he knew that only some of the posts were actually written in Greek. He wished he knew what he was posting, though – any time he saw another man in Grizz’s photos, he felt a pang of jealousy. It had been almost ten years, but the sight of Grizz could still make him feel things.

It was crazy, watching as Grizz finished college in three years, completed a two-year Master’s a semester early, and did his doctorate in another three years. He sped through academia, just like he sped through life. It was crazy to watch him jump from place to place – and it was painful to watch him jump from man to man. At least, Sam thought he was jumping from man to man. He never knew what the captions said, and he never really knew if Grizz was standing that close because it was a photo, or because the relationship was that close.

He really needed to stop thinking about Grizz. He had a date tonight – blind. Helena wouldn’t tell him anything, other than he was supposed to be there at 7:30. It was in West Ham, not far from Sam’s new house. He’d become a lawyer, though he often volunteered as a teacher. He could afford things like houses. He liked living in West Ham, too – it was small, and it let him feel like he had some semblance of a community. He liked it better than living in a city, at least. That’s why he chose to commute.

He checked what Helena had sent him, making sure he knew everything.

_7:30, and the reservation is under Wu. Dress up, but not too much. It’s Italian food. He can sign._

It was 7:00 now. He should probably start to make his way to the restaurant.

\---

His waiter started to lead him to his table. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He really hoped that the water would continue past the table, to another table with an empty seat. Anywhere but that seat. Please, God. Anything, but that table.

They stopped at that table. His date got up and shook his hand. Then he signed, “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

His signing was perfect. He was perfect. He hadn’t changed. This would be the worst date of his life. But, at the same time, it might turn into the date he’d always dreamed of. He didn’t know what would happen. He couldn’t be more terrified. Grizz smiled that warm smile, the one that Sam had dreamed about seeing again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helena was an expert matchmaker. Sam didn't realize he was her next project. 
> 
> Grizz, however, wasn't surprised.

The last time these two had seen each other, Grizz hadn’t looked happy. He hadn’t looked sad, either. He definitely hadn’t look angry, either. He just… looked. Sam had never figured out how to describe it. That look stared at Sam in his nightmares, saying words he knew that Grizz would never say. They called him a gentle giant, because he couldn’t stop himself from caring about others. Sam had realized, that very nickname was part of the problem. Even when telling Sam that he was leaving, to find his Neverland, he still said it so carefully. He signed it so carefully.

Grizz had kept learning sign language, the week that Sam ignored him. Grizz wanted to be prepared, in case he had to apologize – for what, he didn’t know. He wanted to be ready, though. He wanted to make sure he could apologize for anything, and for nothing, and for everything in between. Every minute he spent away from his finals, he spent learning how to sign.

Sam remembered, at graduation, they had played a video of Grizz. He had been the valedictorian, and while he had not been able to attend, he still spoke via a pre-recorded video. Korea was far away and getting back wouldn’t be possible. That video had captions, and he signed throughout the video – Sam felt that Grizz had done that specifically for him. Even when he didn’t deserve it, and even when Grizz was far away, it made him feel like Grizz had continued to think about him. He wasn’t used to feeling special, and he didn’t feel like he deserved it, but Grizz continued to make him feel more important than Grizz could ever understand.

When recording videos for social media, Grizz included subtitles, or a transcription, or something that told Sam what he was saying. He knew that, logically speaking, Grizz wasn’t doing it just for him. That was a lot of effort, and Grizz probably didn’t know if Sam followed him or not. However, that made it even more special – the thought that, Grizz might not even know if Sam was watching, yet he did it anyway. Just in case.

Sam hadn’t dated in college. He didn’t find anyone he clicked with – and he didn’t find anyone who was willing to learn to sign, just to talk with him. Grizz ruined dating for him, and they hadn’t even been on a date before. He wondered if Grizz had dated much, during his travels.

He realized he was just standing there, mouth open. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He must have looked ridiculous. He watched as Grizz laughed, a little awkwardly. “Are you going to sit?”

Sitting. Yes. Right. That was something that most people did on a date. He couldn’t help but watch as Grizz signed as he spoke, and he wondered if the other man was aware that he was doing it. It seemed so natural, now. Sam remembered watching Grizz try and spell his name, only to spell his own name wrong, in the wrong language. Sam remembered watching Grizz fight with his hands to say the simplest things, dedicated to getting everything perfect. Sam couldn’t believe he was watching his high school crush, signing to him, sitting at the other end of the table.

He hated Helena in that moment. But, also, he couldn’t thank Helena enough.

\---

Helena Wu had been busy since graduation. Graduating second to Grizz, she went on to graduate top of her class at UPenn. She’d studied biology, chemistry, and ASL. She’d become a doctor – she’d just become a resident at a hospital in Boston. She was also engaged to Luke. Three days after their high school graduation, he proposed. They hadn’t gotten married yet, and Sam was certain they’d spent more time engaged than they had spent dating, but they were happy.

She also had been busy playing matchmaker. As soon as she had a ring on her finger, it seemed like she had worked to set up her friends. It only took her two years to bring Becca and Kelly together – a feat of true magic, considering that Becca went to NYU and Kelly opted for UCLA. They were on opposite ends of the country. It turns out, opposites attract. They’d been together for almost six years now and had just celebrated their first year as a married couple. Becca was pregnant – they’d gone with a sperm donor, but they didn’t tell anyone who the donor was. They lived a short drive away, in Hartford. He liked to visit them on the weekends.

Bean and Will ended up together – Helena had planned to get coffee with both of them, at the same time, at the same place, only to never show up. They found themselves alone, in a coffee shop, with each other. They scandalously shared a pastry, and the rest was history. Two years later, they were as happy as could be.

No one had heard from Allie, until it was announced she had been elected to an office on the city council in New York. She had finally tried things with Harry, after he broke up with Kelly. Correction – after Kelly dumped him. It lasted less than two months. Allie never talked about why she dumped him, only that he needed help. She didn’t have the time to fix a man, and she wasn’t looking to become someone’s personal therapist. She wanted a partner, not a walking problem.

Apparently, Helena had kept in touch with Grizz. Sam shouldn’t have been surprised. Grizz and Luke were practically brothers – after Grizz’s mother had died, and Grizz had received his inheritance, he had apparently changed his last name to Holbrook. No one knew for sure, but that was the rumor, anyway. Sam wondered what the story behind that was, and if it was true.

\---

“Are you going to stop staring?”

Sam didn’t realize he had frozen. Here he was, sitting on a date with Grizz. Gareth Visser. Gareth Holbrook? Grizz.

“Sorry,” he signed sheepishly. “It’s just been so long.”

“Yeah, it has.”

“You look good.”

Grizz smiled. “You look fantastic.”

Sam turned red. He thought Grizz hated him. He thought he would never hear from Grizz again. He never thought he would sit across from Grizz again, and he never imagined Grizz would flirt with him. Brazenly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz kept tabs on everyone. He knew more than Sam could have ever guessed. But why did he come back?

Grizz’s mother would never have approved of how he spent his inheritance. Beyond paying for Luke’s college, he’d chipped in and paid for Kelly and Helena’s med school costs. Helena knew where the money came from, but Kelly didn’t. Grizz had never said anything to either of them, but she knew that he had always kept an eye on his former classmates, from wherever he was. Kelly was shocked, but immensely grateful. She had written her anonymous donor a thank-you letter, in case she ever met them.

Grizz never needed a letter though. He had found out that Kelly had been instrumental in a complicated surgery and corrected her attending when they found a surprise – they’d misdiagnosed the problem, but they didn’t know that until their patient was open. As chaos ensued, Kelly told them all what it was – correctly. She guided them through the procedure, although she’d never done it herself, and the patient lived. Had she not been there, things would not have ended nearly as well. She had made a name for herself early on, and the awards had started rolling in. Grizz was certain that they would never stop.

He’d also helped Becca buy a wedding ring to propose. She didn’t know where the money came from, or how anyone had found out she planned on asking Kelly to marry her. It didn’t matter. She’d spent weeks worrying how she could afford a ring and rent, or a ring and dinner. One day, she opened her door to a letter – no return address. Just a blank check. In the “for” section, in beautiful cursive, she read _for the rings – you too._

Kelly didn’t wear it often – she didn’t want to rip her gloves in surgery. She kept in its box, tucked away in her room. She looked at it every day, seeing the love her wife had for her. She didn’t know how they’d afforded the beautiful pair of diamond rings, but she didn’t care. She knew someone had stepped in, and she wanted to say thank you. She had a second letter, ready just in case.

Even Sam had benefited from Grizz’s generosity, on two major occasions. The first was during Campbell’s trial. He had tried to strangle Sam, and he had tried to poison their parents. Sam couldn’t afford the hospital bills and the lawyers’ fees, and his parents couldn’t continue to pay Sam’s tuition to Yale. The morning he decided to withdraw from school, his father ran into his room. They had received a letter – three letters, actually. Each letter said that all debts had been paid. Campbell was indicted on three accounts of attempted murder. He would never see the world as a free man again. Sam didn’t mind.

The second time, Sam had been trying to pay for law school. He’d chosen Harvard, and he’d hoped that he would be able to run into Grizz. Grizz had been gone for two years, but Sam hadn’t realized that. He got the bill for his first semester, and he realized he would never be able to pay for it. The next day, he found out that an anonymous alumnus had paid for his tuition. He liked to tell himself that it was Grizz, but he hadn’t talked to Grizz in years. He could hope, but he knew that it was impossible.

Grizz didn’t believe in impossible.

\---

The dinner went by quickly. Sam was still in shock – Grizz sat across from him. Grizz smiled at him – his trademark Grizz smile. He couldn’t believe how good Grizz looked. Grizz had always been muscular, probably from the years of training. Now, he looked impossible – he had gained muscle mass, and filled his dress shirt out in the most scandalous of ways. Muscles should not have been allowed to look that good through a button down.

He kept the man-bun. It was the same length that it had been when Grizz had said goodbye. They hadn’t talked about that. Sam wanted to bring it up, but he didn’t want to dampen the mood. Sam had never felt more carefree, even though his heart was racing faster than it had ever beat before. He wondered if Grizz could hear it.

They talked about everything, but they talked about nothing. Grizz made talking about the weather seem like poetry, and he made talking about the town sound like the setting to one of those romantic books Sam liked to read. Sam kept wondering if he was dreaming – the man of his dreams was sitting there, and he couldn’t have imagined a better date. He’d tried, countless times, before that moment, and nothing compared to the reality.

Sam had one question though, and he needed an answer. He worried the question would be too real – they hadn’t talked about Grizz’s travels or why he was back. They’d focused on talking about town, about Sam, about how it was nice to see everyone, and about how good Grizz looked. Sam couldn’t stop talking about it, actually. He was worried it was making Grizz uncomfortable, actually. But, damn.

“So, what brings you back to town?”

“I got a job at Boston University. Tenure-track. It starts in September.”

September was four months away. Did that mean Grizz would be here for four months?

“September is a long time away.”

Grizz laughed. Sam had never appreciated the vibrations of Grizz’s laugh before. He hadn’t realized just how powerfully he could feel that sound. That made him wonder, just how loud was Grizz’s laugh? Damn.

“Yes and no. I may have to do a trip or two, but it will be nice to relax, if just for a bit. I haven’t had a place to call home in a very long time. Travel makes it hard to really live somewhere, you know?”

Sam did not know. Sam had only ever really traveled to his college and back. He’d always wanted to see the world, but he didn’t want to feel like an afterthought on every trip he went. If he went to Germany, for example, he’d have to probably find a sign language interpreter and an interpreter for German. He didn’t know if that would actually be reality or not, but he found the very thought of it too stressful.

“So, are you staying in town?”

Grizz smiled. “Why, do you want me to?”

“I’d have preferred you come back for me, but staying for me can work too,” he said. He couldn’t believe himself. He’d never dreamed of saying something like that – that was too bold. That was too forward. That was too real.

Grizz flashed a toothy grin. His teeth were perfectly straight and whiter than a movie star’s. This was not the Grizz he was used to – Grizz had grown up.

“Who said I won’t?”

Sam stopped breathing, just for a second.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner went well. Sam and Grizz talk about everything, but only so far as they can talk about nothing.

They had changed locations, moving to the diner where they’d had ASL lessons. They shared a large sundae, neither exactly ready for the date to be over. There were a lot of emotions that needed to be addressed, at some point. Now wasn’t the time – but the time would have to come, eventually. Sam had grown a lot in the ten years, and he understood how wrong he had been. Grizz had grown, too. He was still fun and a goofball, as ridiculous as he’d been ten years ago, but he was more reserved now. There were walls that hadn’t been there. Sam could tell that they were there, in spite of the flirting. He worried he was one of the reasons those walls were there.

Grizz had never sold his mother’s house. He’d thought about it, but he could never bring himself to actually do it. Someone had told him that it was for the best to be rid of it – they had probably wanted to buy it. They said that he shouldn’t have to live in a house with all the memories of his dead mother and father. However, his father had never lived in the house, and, to be frank, his mother never had either. He spent his first week alone in the house at eight. In the ten years he’d been in that house, he averaged fifty weeks without his mother. She would show up in June, to celebrate her birthday, before leaving again. He hated her birthday, almost as much as he wanted to hate her. He couldn’t bring himself to feel any negative emotion towards her, but he wanted to. She had abandoned him. He lost both parents when his dad died. That’s what drew him to change his last name. He’d gone through an adult adoption – Luke was finally his brother, and Gareth Visser was gone for good. Gareth Holbrook stood in his place.

Sam found out that Grizz had changed his last name, but he didn’t hear the story. That was too serious of a topic for such a pleasant night. The date was going amazingly, and four hours had passed when Sam looked at the clock.

“Fuck.”

“What is it?”

Sam couldn’t ignore the worry in Grizz’s eyes. He’d seen that worry before, and, for a moment, his heart broke all over again. He’d put the worry there before, and he didn’t want to ever be that person again. “It’s nothing. I just have work tomorrow. I have to get up early.”

Grizz stood up, and he moved to get Sam’s chair as well. “Well then, let me walk you home.”

Town was small enough that neither man needed to drive anywhere. Cars were for leaving West Ham – that’s why every teenager wanted a set of wheels. The walk was quick, but heavenly as well. Summer had started, and the fireflies had just started to flit about. It was beautiful, and it reminded Grizz of the movies he’d watched on planes. He knew that romantic movies made travel harder; he had seen the world, but he had always wanted to share it with someone. He wanted someone to kiss under the Eiffel Tower, to watch the fish swim through the gutters of Gifu with, to show his favorite parts of the Great Wall. He wanted someone to be there with him, who could enjoy the world with the same love that they had for him. He had never had the time to look – he had been on a handful of dates, but they had never gone anywhere. They always wanted to go back to their places, and Grizz was never particularly impressed with their personalities. Their rooms couldn’t be much better.

By the time they got to Sam’s house, the fireflies were out in full force. They stopped at Sam’s porch, and Grizz watched as Sam opened the door. Grizz would ask for a tour, one day. Today wasn’t that day.

Sam turned on the porch light and gave Grizz a sad smile as he signed _good night_. He didn’t want the night to end. If only it had been Friday – he could wander the town for hours with Grizz.

“Before you go, Sam,” said Grizz. “I was wondering if you could teach me one more sign.”

Sam found it doubtful that Grizz needed to be taught any new signs. He’d signed everything perfectly, even signing the question.

Staring at Sam’s feet, he signed, “How do you say ‘kiss me’?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't not include that line. It was mandatory. And I didn't get it in the last fic. 
> 
> This seems to have a very different vibe from the other one, at least from my perspective. I kind of like toying with that angsty style, so I may go back to that after a bit. But for now, they're just getting back in touch. They've only had one dinner - one dinner isn't long enough to get to the serious stuff.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam didn't want to wait another ten years for his second date.

Two weeks ago, Sam had kissed Grizz for the first time. It had been everything he had hoped it would be, and, for a second, he felt like a teenager again. He forgot how horribly he’d treated Grizz, and he forgot the pain of saying goodbye.

It was a demure kiss. It was a short kiss. But it was a kiss, nonetheless. It was the First Kiss for Sam. He had never understood the hype around kissing, until now. He wanted to be with Grizz every minute of every day. It was amazing, exhilarating, and it felt like Sam had never fucked up. Sam imagined being able to do that every day, and it made him have hope for the future.

It had also been two weeks since they’d seen each other in person. They hadn’t had a chance to see each other in person, and Sam hated how busy his work schedule had kept him. He wanted to have a lazy day in bed with Grizz – a thought he would never have permitted himself, before the kiss. Grizz was still bad at texting, having always preferred talking to people face-to-face. He would respond as best he could, but he could never seem to respond fast enough for Sam.

_How was your morning?_

At three in the afternoon, he got a reply. Finally.

 _Good! Sorry, just woke up_.

Sam wished he could have that kind of schedule. That was the type of schedule he’d dreamed of, even before Grizz.

_Anything fun planned for today?_

_A trip to the gym! You?_

Sam never had fun plans. Sam worked, and Sam went home. Sam watched crappy rom-coms, and he wished he had a handsome man who could sweep him off his feet. Now, Sam had found a man. He wasn’t sure what that man meant, and he wasn’t sure if he would get his rom-com happily ever after, but he had found Grizz. He hoped.

Part of Sam didn’t trust the perfection that was finding Grizz again. He also worried about the conversations that they would have to have. Sam wanted to know why Grizz had changed his last name. He wanted to talk to Grizz about the nightmare that had been surviving Campbell. He wanted to be able to complain about his struggles at work. Most importantly, he wanted to address the elephant in the room. “Wanted” may have been a bit too optimistic. He dreaded having to have that discussion. It felt necessary, and it felt like it was keeping Grizz away. He wasn’t sure if it was making Grizz stay away, or if it was making him keep Grizz away, because neither of them had really tried to set up a second date. Either way, it made Grizz feel far. Grizz had been far for a very long time, but he had never felt the distance until he was only a few blocks away. It killed him.

Sam wasn’t sure what to respond. He typed out several things, only to delete them in the end. _Unless you’re planning on stealing me away, then I don’t think so_

Grizz didn’t open that text. Ten years ago, Grizz would respond within ten seconds, whenever Sam texted. Now, it could be as long as ten hours – Sam worried it would move from hours to days, at some point.

\---

Grizz desperately wanted to steal Sam away. In the age of text message previews, he didn’t have to open a text to see it. He wanted to drive and get Sam – Sam’s office was ridiculously far from his house, and it didn’t make sense to go steal Sam from his job, but he wanted to. He didn’t want to wait two weeks before he saw Sam, and yet, it had happened. Sam didn’t really have a schedule that allowed for dating, unfortunately. Grizz realized that when Sam had mentioned he’d left work early for their date. It wasn’t the type of thing he wanted to let Sam get in the habit of. Work was important. Sam’s work was important.

Grizz’s feelings were also important. As much as he wanted to bask in the beauty of their first date, he couldn’t help but feel confused. He didn’t know how to feel about the man with the ocean-eyes. It was hard – seeing Sam reminded him why he’d left West Ham in the first place. Helena had pushed for him to come back, and now he understood that, by proxy, Sam was the reason he’d come back, too. He wasn’t sure if he was okay with that fact. He wanted to be, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that, maybe, their time had come and gone. He didn’t want to grasp at something that would never hold him back.

Grizz had become well-accustomed to feeling lonely. Bouncing from country to country, from school to school – he hadn’t had a place to call home in over ten years. He hadn’t called his own house home for ten years before that. Luke’s house was home, but a new family had moved in after Luke’s youngest brother graduated high school two years ago. He didn’t particularly like staying in West Ham, considering that no one was there. Sam was the only person who had stayed, and he was not sure if Sam was a good enough reason to stay himself. Plus, Boston was almost two hours away, and he didn’t want to have to make that commute on the regular.

Grizz took out his phone. He didn’t want to make Sam wait for a response, but he didn’t want to be hasty, either.

_I can’t tonight, but how about this weekend? Dinner and a movie?_

It took Sam three seconds to respond. Grizz felt bad – what if Sam had been waiting for a response, phone in hand?

 _Only if you make the dinner_.

\---

Grizz was an exceptional cook. He’d taken classes every time he’d moved somewhere new, so his flavors were as insane as they were perfect. Combinations that shouldn’t work, like Garlic Beef Stroganoff. Watching him work, Sam felt like he was in the presence of a genius. He didn’t understand most of the things that Grizz signed, but it smelled good.

When it was done, they both sat down at Sam’s kitchen counter. It was 10:30pm on Friday night – Sam had gotten home late, and it took a long time to prepare the food. At the very least, there would be no work tomorrow. Sam could sleep in. He wanted to ask if Grizz would be sleeping over with him, but that wasn’t something he thought he should ask on their second date. Maybe the third. Maybe the fourth. Maybe when Sam grew a spine, he thought. The last option may take significantly longer than the others, he worried.

Grizz finished plating the pasta dish. “This is _yu xiang niu rou stroganoff_ ,” he signed. Sam didn’t recognize the first four words, which were completely alien to him. “It’s Mandarin for garlic beef.”

Ah, yes. Mandarin. Clearly. Sam totally knew that was Mandarin. This dumb jock, who had never been very dumb in the first place, knew so much. Granted, he had a Ph.D., so he clearly was being paid to know things. That didn’t make Sam feel any smarter. Stupid smart asshole.

Who could cook. Sam had never tasted anything like it – words didn’t begin to describe how well the dish worked. Thinking about it, it really shouldn’t have worked. He didn’t know what was in it, but he knew that, individually, he would not have put them together. Together, however, he wanted six plates, a to-go box, and maybe a bigger pair of pants. He’d definitely need a bigger pair of pants, if Grizz kept cooking for him.

It also reminded him of how much Grizz had seen and experienced while he was gone. Grizz had lived a whole lifetime’s worth of memories in ten years, and Sam had stayed in the town where he’d grown up. Sam felt pathetic, realizing how little he knew compared to his date. He had a law degree, for fuck’s sake. Why did he feel so inadequate?

“How does it taste?”

“Really fucking good,” Sam signed back. “I’m going to need you to cook every meal I eat, for the rest of time.”

Wait. That was a reference to the future. They hadn’t talked about the future yet. As far as Sam knew, there was no future. The world could end in five minutes. If this date didn’t go well, Sam’s world probably would end. Not really, but kind of. It was a weird feeling.

Grizz laughed – he was watching Sam struggle. Sam had been so confident in high school, and he had been the awkward one. Now, sitting here, alone, there wasn’t much question. Sam was the awkward one now. Score one for the Holbrooks, he thought.

“I’d have to spend a lot of time here, if we were going to make that happen,” he teased. “I don’t know if I’d ever be able to leave. I’d have to quit my job in Boston, spend every day and night here prepping your food.”

“Every night, you say? Keep talking, I’m intrigued.”

Both men laughed.

“I remember you had a pair of handcuffs,” Sam said. “Maybe I’d just have to use them to make sure you didn’t leave.”

Grizz raised his eyebrows, before his features morphed into a smirk. “What makes you think I don’t know how to get out of a pair of handcuffs?”

“Gareth Visser, are you telling me you’ve been arrested?”

As soon as he finished signing, he realized he’d signed the wrong last name. Grizz’s smile dropped from his face, and he looked away. “I should get to work on these dishes.”

\---

Sam didn’t know the story of why Grizz had changed his last name. It was too serious for them to talk about, yet. But he had ruined the atmosphere, because that name meant something. He worried that he’d messed up, yet again, as Grizz started to make ice cream from scratch. They had both become silent, lost in their thoughts.

Grizz knew that Sam hadn’t meant to kill the mood. It was just that his old last name carried a lot of pain. It reminded him of feeling lonely, and of goodbyes that were far too permanent, and of the nightmare that was high school. Sam had never meant to contribute to that night, but that didn’t mean that watching Sam walk by the library window, Grizz unable to do anything but watch. It was a hard memory to face – and it reminded him that there were a lot of issues that needed to be discussed.

Sam wanted to fix the issue. He wanted to fix the pain he’d caused – he knew that he’d caused it, and he knew that it was on him to fix it. Three years of therapy had made him painfully aware of how much pain he’d caused Grizz. He wondered if Grizz had talked to anyone about it.

Sam had talked to all of the girls, and each one of them had talked to him about how fucked up it had been. Even if Grizz hadn’t been gay, and even if Grizz hadn’t been in love with him, treating someone like that was just unacceptable. He recognized that. They made sure he was aware of it – even after he’d graduated college, they’d reminded him. The reminders lasted for almost five years. Helena had been the worst to talk to, because she knew Grizz as well as she knew Sam. She told him exactly what Grizz was probably feeling, and Sam knew that she was right.

He wanted to turn this mess into a chance for the two of them to bond. It was time for him to start taking ownership of his actions. Sam’s brow furrowed – it was time for him to start fixing the mess he’d made ten years ago. Fuck, that was going to be hard.

“Grizz, I’m sorry.”

Grizz signed back that it was no problem, but Sam saw that he hadn’t put his usual effort into signing.

“I know we haven’t been talking much the past few years,” he started. “But I want to know you. I want to know all the things I didn’t know then.”

Grizz looked up. He had finished the ice cream – oreo, cookie dough, cinnamon swirl. He handed Sam a bowl and nodded. Sam took that as a sign to go on. “I was an awful, horrible, evil asshole. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I know.”

“I know it’s the only the second time I’ve seen you, but let’s talk about it. I don’t want to talk about how badly I fucked up, but I don’t want to sit next to you and feel like you are ten thousand miles away. Taiwan may have been fun for you, but I missed you, damnit.”

Grizz laughed. He missed Taipei.

“Why did you change your last name?”

Grizz stared at the other boy. No, he stared at the other man. They’d been scared, unprepared boys ten years ago. Now, they were men – and they were going to have to face the truth.

“It all started when my dad died,” Grizz started.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This conversation had been a long time coming. It lasted longer than they expected. 
> 
> also, TW - abandonment.

They sat at the table, talking throughout the night. Over the course of eight hours, they talked about everything – from the good, to the bad, to the awkward, to the sad. For the first time ever, Sam felt like he’d shared everything there was to share. Grizz knew the story of how he went deaf, the horror stories of having Campbell as a brother, the struggles of the court case, everything. He’d followed a lot of Sam’s life, normally through Luke, but serious details were missing.

Sam, in turn, learned the story of how Grizz chose to change his name. He had no clue that Grizz had been so lonely. He learned that Clark and Jason had both reached out, about three years ago, to apologize for how they’d acted. He didn’t think that day would ever come, but Grizz, Luke, Clark, and Jason were slowly building a better friendship. Clark and Jason both had long-term girlfriends. He didn’t expect that.

Sam and Grizz took turns crying, laughing, and listening. Sam had never felt such a wide range of emotions in a short period. He’d never know just how sad Grizz’s story actually was - in high school, Grizz had never let anyone know about those moments where he’d cried himself to sleep. He had stopped entirely by the time he met Sam, but he had been down to only twice a night by freshman year. It was hard for Sam, learning about all of this. He couldn’t help but picture Grizz, looking out into the bleachers for his mom before ever game, his face falling when she wasn’t there. Even worse was the image of Grizz crying himself to sleep, eight years old and already alone in the world. At eight, Campbell had been sent off to a reformatory school – Sam could finally sleep without locking the door. He was too young to understand what was wrong with Campbell, too young to care. He hadn’t understood the danger, nor had he understood what sadness really was. Grizz didn’t get that childhood. It broke his heart.

Sam understood why Grizz chose to leave. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it, initially, but Grizz brought it up, just after three that morning. He had never talked about it before – he couldn’t even bring himself to talk to Luke about it. When Sam abandoned him, he felt like he was eight years old again. It was the first time he’d cried himself to sleep two nights in a row in four years. Sam couldn’t imagine how terrifying that must have been for him – a flashback to the darkest moment in his past, when his mom would ignore his stares, his pleas, his existence. He had started to open up to Sam, and it had happened again. Sam felt horrible. There was no way to fix that pain, no way to heal that hurt. After they’d talked about that, they sat close together. They held hands. It made it so that they couldn’t sign, but Sam was ok with that. He didn’t want to let Grizz out of his grasp, even if that meant he couldn’t use his preferred way of communication.

By eight, the sun had started to shine again.

“Oh shit, is it morning already?”

Sam looked around. They’d actually talked through the night. They spent the entire night talking. He nodded. He decided they’d gone from their second date to their fourth date – eight hours is a long time. When he saw Grizz in the sunlight, he started to laugh.

“Hey, what is it?” Grizz couldn’t tell if he should feel hurt or not.

They both looked like they’d spent the entire night crying – to their credit, it had only been maybe three hours for the each of them. The entire night would have been overkill.

Grizz got a good look at Sam. “You look way worse than I do.”

“No way! Have you seen yourself?”

“I’ve seen you. I don’t have to see me.”

“Ouch, harsh much,” Sam signed, laughing.

A light went off over the door – Sam’s doorbell. He had completely forgotten. Becca was coming to visit today. “Oh shit. That’s Becca. Can you… Can you get that? I need to go clean up.”

Grizz couldn’t help but protest. “And I don’t?”

He shook his head and walked over to the door. Sam ran to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. Grizz had been right, he looked way worse. Asshole, always being so right all the time. Who does that?

Grizz opened the door, not sure how he looked and not sure what he should expect.

“Oh! Grizz! Um… You’re back?”

Grizz laughed at how surprised she looked. In her defense, the boy who’d been in love with her best friend ten years ago just opened his door early in the morning. This could not have been what she was expecting, especially considering her friend wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

“Hi Becs. And yeah. Helena. And before you ask, no. We didn’t.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Grizz both tell their friends about the date. 
> 
> Or.
> 
> Bottomless mimosas, and thirsty friends. Thirsty for knowledge. Or something.

“What did he mean, you didn’t. You have been waiting for this moment for literally years! Why was he not standing there naked! You idiot!”

Becca had taken him out to breakfast, thinking that she would be able to catch up on simple things. Instead, she had to find out that Grizz had spent the night at Sam’s from Grizz? In Sam’s doorway? The nerve. How dare Sam not tell her?

“You have literally been dreaming about having Gareth Visser alone in your house for years, why the fuck was he wearing pants?”

“Gareth Holbrook,” Sam corrected. He knew now, it was important to make that distinction.

“Since when is Grizz a Holbrook? What? That’s Luke, not Grizz, you idiot. And, back to the main point here, why was he opening your door and not laying naked in bed with you? Why didn’t you tell me he was back?”

She paused, to breathe. Then, she turned just as red as before, and signed, “Wait. Why did Helena not tell me? What the actual hell?”

Sam didn’t know where to start. That was a lot. He started with the last name. That might have been the easiest conversation to have. At least, the Sparknotes version might have been the easiest conversation to have – the actual story seemed too personal for Sam to share. “Luke’s mom adopted Grizz when his own mom died. He spends Christmas with them, they treat him like a son, it’s this whole thing.”

“Ok, so Grizz Holbrook. Still. Pants. Why did he have them?”

Becca and Sam had regularly talked about how great Grizz must look naked, back before Grizz had actually acknowledged Sam. Sam had always been the one to bring it up, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy talking about it too.

“We spent the entire night talking on the couch. It wasn’t exactly a sexy time.”

“What could possibly take the entire night to talk about?”

She stopped. She knew exactly what could take an entire night. This was Sam and Grizz, after all. They hadn’t exactly ended things on a good note. “Ok, forget that. Still, you could have at least ended with making out.”

“This isn’t high school, Becca.”

“Ok, but you spent years complaining you’d die a little Christian virgin! You’ve got an opportunity here, fucking use it!”

“Becca!”

“If he sends you any pictures, I want to see. For scientific purposes.”

“BECCA!”

\---

Across town, Grizz was having a similar conversation. Luke had come in to town, and he, Clark, Jason, and Luke were sitting at a café, getting brunch.

Clark couldn’t believe that he could get bottomless mimosas. “I don’t care if brunch is a gay thing, this is fucking awesome!”

He was seven mimosas in. Jason was six. Luke hadn’t had any – he stopped drinking three years ago, because he knew that Helena didn’t like alcohol. Grizz had just finished his second.

Jason couldn’t get over the little umbrellas that were in the mimosas. “Guys, I want umbrellas in every drink I get. Is that a gay thing? Can I be gay for umbrellas?”

Grizz laughed, and Luke grimaced. He was glad that Grizz was finding this so funny, but he couldn’t help but find it embarrassing. “Jason, you can like girls and still get umbrellas.”

“Fuck yeah. Umbrellas are the best.”

Clark, halfway through his first glass of orange juice, too drunk to notice there wasn’t alcohol in it, decided to ask the question on everyone’s minds. “So, Grizz,” he asked,” you’re back?”

“I am. For a bit, at least.”

“Shit man, that’s great. We know I’ve been a dick, but I hope you get some good dick while you’re here.”

Clark had changed a lot. He’d gone from pushing gay people into lockers, going to Pride parades and pushing anyone who gave the parade-goers a hard time. It was a big improvement, and it was one Grizz could appreciate. “Thanks Clark. I think.”

“Anytime, my dude,” said Clark. “Wait, I can still call you my dude, right? That’s not bad?”

That was the other thing – Clark had become very aware of his speech. His current girlfriend studied Gender Studies. Unsurprisingly, she hated him at first. She yelled at him for something called toxic masculinity when he'd first met her. He didn't really understand what it was then, and no one was really sure if he got it now, but he was trying to be better. She pushed him to do a better job. How they came together, no one really understood, least of all Clark. But, he listened when she spoke. He was getting better.

Luke and Grizz shared a look. Semi-socially conscious Clark may have been more annoying that old Clark. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’m still one of the guys. I just date other guys.”

Clark reached for a napkin. Pulling a pen out of thin air, seemingly, he wrote something down – almost as if he was taking notes. Grizz appreciated the gesture.

Jason saw the waitress walk by, and he asked for more umbrellas. He was such a lightweight, it was almost adorable. That was, until he tried to take a sip of his drink, which was now more umbrella than mimosa, and it spilled all over his pants. His rainbow pants – the pants he’d picked specifically for Grizz, to show his support – were now covered in orange juice, champagne, and tiny paper umbrellas. “No! My umbrella friends!”

This felt a lot like old times. His friends were drunk and clueless, but they were trying. It was sweet to watch.

Luke knew about Helena’s attempt to get Sam and Grizz to talk. He would never tell Grizz, but it had been his idea, actually. He saw that, whenever Grizz posted a video, there were subtitles. He also knew that, Grizz had gotten as fluent as possible in ASL – only he didn’t know any other ASL users. Grizz had gotten entirely fluent in a new language, long after Sam had broken his heart, because Sam was most comfortable in ASL. Helena didn’t even know that. Hell, Sam had no clue.

“So, Grizz. I heard you had a date?”

The other two boys, who had been aggressively dabbing at Jason’s pants in the most homoerotic way possible, stopped what they were doing. In unison, they asked, “You what?”

Luke very quickly realized this was not the time to have that talk. He mouthed _sorry_ at Grizz, who shook his head. This was completely awful and awkward, but it was better than Grizz could have ever imagined. He knew that he could talk about guys with Luke, but he would never have guessed that he’d be sitting with Clark and Jason, telling them about his date with Sam Eliot.

“Yeah, I did. Helena set it up.”

Jason bobbed his head in understanding. “Helena does such good things. You’ve got such a good girlfriend. She’s so amazing.”

Jason was dating Helena’s sister. Over the course of the past six years, he’d gotten to know Helena a lot better. He respected her more than he could describe.

Luke nodded. “Yeah, she mentioned she’d tried something. How’d it go?”

Grizz smiled – a trademark Grizz smile. It touched his eyes, he smiled so widely.

“Well, I just came from his place. We spent the whole night talking.”

“That’s so wholesome! You’re like one of those memes about a dog that’s a good boy,” said Clark.

Neither Clark, nor Jason knew who the date had been with. They didn’t think to ask, instead getting very, very excited for their friend. After half an hour of asking him questions, Jason realized they’d never asked the most important one. After covering himself in mimosa and umbrellas for the fourth time, he asked “Wait, who was it with?”

Clark tried to slap his forehead, he but missed and hit his eye. It had been a very long time since he had had to be coordinated for football, and the mimosas didn’t help. “Oh shit, yeah, that’s important!”

Luke smiled, and Grizz grinned. “Sam Eliot.”

Clark whooped and hollered. “Ah yeah, get it boy!”

The rest of the patrons in the café looked over at them, and Grizz shook his head and mouthed _sorry_.

Clark didn’t care. “I want to know everything. Who wore the pants? Wait, that’s not the question anymore. Who was on top? Did you even have sex? Did you use a condom? That shit’s important man, wrap that dick up. Gotta stay safe. Does he have a good dick? Do you think you’ll go back tonight? I want answers man.”

Clark and Becca would have been good friends if they met now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one feels a lot lighter than the other chapters. After reading so many of the other amazing Grizzam fanfics, I realized that one of the best parts of this couple is how funny and pure they are. I want to thank everyone for reminding me of that - here's a break from the drama. It's me, I'm sure there will be more later, but for now, here's something a little less dramatic and a bit more happy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After sleeping longer than usual, Sam couldn't keep his hands to himself.

_So Becca asked me to forward her any pictures I get from you, for science_

Grizz barked from laughter. He had no clue how to respond to that. He saw that there were three other messages, right after it.

_She remembered when we would talk about how you were handsome._

_She wants to see your… you know._

_I told her I hadn’t seen it yet. That didn’t stop her. I think she wants to see it before me. No word on if Kelly is in on it. Probably is._

Grizz was about to fall onto the floor, he was laughing so hard. He couldn’t get that image out of his head – Kelly and Becca, curled up in bed, swiping through imaginary penis pictures. It was true that Sam hadn’t seen it yet – they hadn’t even kissed the last time they saw each other, and they’d barely held hands. Without having to discuss it, they were in agreement that they would go slow. They weren’t desperate teens anymore.

After brunch, Grizz had gone home and crashed. He woke up fourteen hours later, not entirely refreshed. He thought he’d slept so long he’d gotten tired again – he knew that’s not how it worked, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Fourteen hours or not, it was four in the morning and he was up. He knew that he should probably begin researching two of the papers he’d planned to write this summer. He walked from his bedroom to his study and opened up a browser. He typed in his search into the search bar, hoping to find something from the news.

한류 서부 유럽

Bingo. He found a few news stories, and he set off studying the _Hallyu_. He hadn’t intended to study it, but he felt like it would be an interesting concept to bring to the international studies classes he would be teaching. He specialized in East Asia, after all – there was nothing more culturally relevant than K-Pop, right?

\---

Sam wondered if Grizz was awake. It was five in the morning, and he’d crashed right after talking to Becca. He sent Grizz the texts, and then he fell asleep. He had a big grin on his face, probably because he was dreaming of Grizz.

It was probably too soon to start dreaming of Grizz, but he couldn’t help himself. When he woke up, he found himself missing the other boy. They had been apart for so long, and, after last night, it felt like they were finally coming together. Sam thought it felt like they finally saw each other for who they were. It made him hopeful for the next time he saw Grizz.

_This is the fifth text I am gonna send you in a row, don’t hate me. If you’re up, do you want to walk around town?_

He got a response immediately.

_I’m supposed to be researching._

_Obviously I want to. Meet at that park?_

Sam knew the one.

\---

It had been nine years and four months since Sam had walked up to Grizz in that snow storm. It felt like it had been longer, yet it also only felt like a few days ago. Sam could remember it like it was yesterday. The summer warmth hadn’t yet basked the playground, but that wasn’t an issue. He could see Grizz, sitting in the swing. Wow, that was a familiar sight.

He’d almost gotten taller. He’d gotten a lot more muscular. He’d gotten more reserved. But there was no mistaking, the Grizz that sat in that swing was the same boy who’d noticed he’d stopped smiling in English class one day. This moment didn’t feel real.

“So, Clark and Jason are now incredibly excited that we had our first date. Maybe more so than Becca.”

Sam laughed – Grizz loved Sam’s laugh. Grizz loved every sound Sam made. It felt like Sam was extra noisy around him, almost. He knew Sam was almost silent, normally, but around him, Grizz felt that Sam acted a bit differently. It made him happy.

“Becca was so disappointed that we’d kept our pants on.”

“Clark gave me a twenty-minute long lecture about condoms, followed by a lecture on dental dams, and then a lecture on consent. Clark is officially team Grizz and Sam.

“I didn’t know he knew enough words to speak for that long without stopping.”

“Honestly, me neither.”

“Well, I’m glad to know he’s team Grizzam.”

“Grizzam?”

“Grizzam.”

“He’s team Grizzam, then. So’s Jason.”

“And Luke, right?”

“Definitely. Part of me thinks he had Helena set us up.”

Sam shot him a quizzical look. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, he asked why I could sign like I do when I’m with you.”

“I mean, you clearly had been practicing. Did you find a group to chat with?”

“Nope.”

“Did you have classes or something? Deaf friends?”

“Nope.”

“Wait, you just got fluent in ASL … because you could?”

“I knew someone important who used it.”

Sam could barely believe he’d been on two dates with Grizz, but now, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re telling me, you had no one to practice ASL with. You just learned it on your own. For someone.”

“Yeah. It’s great, I’ve been able to use it with him more, recently.”

Sam’s jaw dropped. Grizz laughed. “What’s his name?”

“Did you ever sign your name in the mirror?”

That seemed like a weird deflection. Sam wasn’t sure where Grizz was going with this, but he hoped it stayed on the track it was on. “Yeah, when I was really little. I know how to sign my own name though.”

“You should ask your mirror then. It probably still remembers his name.”

With that, Sam’s lips were on Grizz’s. At five-thirty in the morning. In a public park. After what felt like an eternity, Sam pulled away. It hadn’t been long enough.

Grizz chuckled. “If we’re going to be doing that, we might not want to do it in the park. What if one of our old teachers walked by?”

That was a very good point. Sam didn't mind if they saw him kissing Grizz. However, if they did see it, then his parents would definitely send him more texts than he was ready to deal with. Word traveled quickly in small towns. If things kept up at this pace, Grizz would have to meet Sam's parents. They didn't need to know about him yet, though. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, the Korean says "Korean Wave West Europe"
> 
> The Korean wave refers to the rise of K-Pop. If you love BTS, then know you're surfing the Hallyu! You can surf!!
> 
> \--  
> The next chapter contains references and depicts violence. For anyone with a sensitivity to misogynistic language, depictions of violence, reference to or usage of guns, or depictions of physical pain, please be aware that this next chapter contains topics that may be triggering to you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grizz's out of town. Campbell is out of prison. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - Violence, misogynistic language, guns, gun violence, and threatening actions/behavior. 
> 
> Campbell tries to kill Elle and Sam. 
> 
> This chapter contains depictions of violence, reference to physical assault and emotional abuse, and threats to kill others. Please be aware that this chapter may be triggering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grizz's out of town. Campbell is out of prison. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING - Violence, misogynistic language, guns, gun violence, and threatening actions/behavior. 
> 
> Campbell tries to kill Elle and Sam. 
> 
> This chapter contains depictions of violence, reference to physical assault and emotional abuse, and threats to kill others. Please be aware that this chapter may be triggering. Please take care of yourself, and if reading this chapter could cause you issues, please skip it.

Sam hadn’t felt this terrified since Campbell had put his hands around Sam’s throat. It was the type of fear that took control of his body, forcing him into paralysis. It was the kind of fear that made him wake up, screaming things he’d never hear. It was the type of fear that he’d never wanted to feel again. Worst of all, it was the type of fear he couldn’t handle alone.

Grizz had left town to go to Boston for a big meeting with his future department. He’d seemed distant recently, and Sam worried that something was wrong. The issue was never when they were together – it was when Grizz walked up to Sam, before they started whatever they were going to do together.

They did lots of things together, but always in public. Much to Becca’s dismay, and probably to Clark’s as well, they’d never moved past kissing. They hadn’t even started using the term boyfriend, yet. What they had was beautiful, but it was slow. Sam didn’t mind, normally. Late at night, when his thoughts drifted to Grizz, he wished they’d speed things up – but that would happen, eventually. It was his only complaint, and it wasn’t even that serious.

It had been his only complaint. Now, Grizz’s absence was a serious problem for Sam. Sam needed someone – anyone. Shaking, he texted Becca.

_I need you here. Now._

\---

Becca got there within thirty minutes. She’d been laying in bed, next to Kelly, talking about baby names when she got the text. She knew it was serious. She didn’t know what it was, and she thought it was related to Grizz, but she knew she had to get there.

When she pulled up to Sam’s drive, she saw a police car. Jason, Clark, and Luke were standing outside. “What the fuck,” she asked herself.

Sam was sitting behind the three former football stars. At first, she thought they’d done something to him. Looking closer, she realized they were protecting him. What the actual fuck was going on?

Luke saw Becca walk up. “Becca, this isn’t a good place for you.” He spoke calmly, but she could hear something else underneath the exterior.

“Like hell it isn’t. What the fuck happened?”

The boys looked at each other, and then at the police car sitting outside. There was something wrong – she could tell it was bad. If only someone would tell her what had happened.

Sam stared up at her, from behind the boys. “Campbell.”

That name was not a name Sam said lightly. She hadn’t heard him say that name since before the trial – he didn’t normally use his brother’s name. It was like Voldemort – a name you knew, but a name you’d never say. You didn’t want to summon him, and you knew to fear him.

\---

Campbell had killed two guards during his escape from prison. No one knew how he got out, but they found the bodies in a hallway. Jason had driven to Sam’s as soon as he found out. He knew that Sam was in danger. His unit had sent someone to check on Elle, as well.

Jason was the youngest police chief in the town’s history. He’d risen through the ranks, participating in the investigation against Campbell after he attacked Sam the first time. The second time it happened, he led the investigation. He was determined there wouldn’t be a third.

Clark and Luke had been sitting with Jason when he got the call. They both understood how important it was to keep Sam safe – Grizz wasn’t there to protect him, but that didn’t mean that Sam would be alone. No one had texted Grizz. They didn’t want him to deal with more bad news. They knew what his interview was about. This was not the time.

Becca stood there, watching Grizz’s best friends protect her best friend. Jason had a gun. She hated the sight of guns, but she’d never been more grateful for his presence. Actually, that wasn’t true. When it was revealed that several of Jason’s officers had covered her family’s house in anti-Semitic rhetoric, threats, and swastikas, he had them all arrested. Charged them with a hate crime. Fired them, obviously. She wasn’t used to police holding police accountable, but Jason wasn’t going to let his force get blasted on the news – unless they’d deserved it.

The reality was, Sam was in danger. Elle was in danger. Everyone was in danger. That was the truth of Campbell’s existence.

\---

“How serious is it?”

Jason stared at Becca, recognizing the fear in her eyes. He felt it too, but he couldn’t let it show. “Luke, Clark, and I will take turns watching from the inside of the house. There will be two officers stationed outside. There are four en route to Elle, and they will do a similar setup. We’ll catch him before anything can happen.”

Sam looked like he was on the verge of tears. He’d tried calling Grizz, but it didn’t go through. He worried something had happened to Grizz. Jason had reminded him that Grizz was likely in his interview. Grizz would be back, and Sam wouldn’t have to sleep alone. Grizz had never spent the night, but he would spend the night when he got back. Sam couldn’t face the darkness alone.

“I’ll kill you if anything happens to him.”

Luke laughed. “Maybe don’t threaten an officer, Becca,” he said. Getting serious again, he added, “Besides. If anything happens to Sam, I think Campbell will have beaten you to it.”

Becca nodded. “I’ll kill him, then.”

Jason turned to her, the weight of it resting uncomfortably on his shoulders. “It’s a good thing I didn’t hear that.”

Sam had a Guard. The boys had jokingly called themselves that once in high school, never realizing it would take on a very, very different meaning years down the line. The Guard were serious, and they were vigilant. He would be safe, with the Guard.

\---

Elle wished she’d had the Guard. The officers outside her house were nice, but they weren’t protective. She needed someone ready to shoot Campbell, not someone ready to eat donuts. She was glad she carried a gun.

Elle had been a battered woman. Staying with Campbell for four years had taken a toll on her, mentally and physically. She had initially worried she could never hide the scars he’d left. That was, until she met a tattoo artist who worked with the women staying at the women’s shelter she had been at.

She now had two whole sleeves, as well as work running down her back. The tattoos finally reached places Campbell had never left his mark – the tattoos were hers. They didn’t just cover her up, they showed her off. She felt powerful. Unlike when she was with Campbell, she felt beautiful.

It didn’t take long for her to realize the officers would be more useless than she’d previously thought. With Campbell standing over her, she knew that they had failed. She stared at his cold, dead eyes, and she knew she was staring Death in the face.

“Miss me, bitch?”

\---

When she woke up, she was cuffed to her bed. Her hands above her head – but she was dressed. She didn’t feel any new wounds. That was not a good sign.

Then, she smelled it. The smoke. The fire.

Campbell had set her house on fire, trying to kill her with it. Elle was a fighter, though. Her gun was gone, her hands were locked, and she was in a burning building. She wasn’t ready to give up.

Fortunately for her, she’d learned how to work with handcuffs at the women’s shelter. She learned how to put them on people, and, more importantly, she’d learned how to get out of them. She had gotten so good at escaping that she’d taught an entire class on getting out of restraints. Campbell had been sloppy with her cuffs. She wasn’t Campbell’s real target.

She was out of her house within minutes – the flames hadn’t even made it to her room by the time she escaped. Running into her neighbor’s house, she called 911. The firefighters would have to deal with the house – she needed to get to Sam’s. First, she called Jason.

\---

Jason’s phone rang, but he couldn’t pick it up. He had a gunshot wound to the leg, and he was staring at the devil. He hadn’t gotten to Sam yet – and Jason hoped that the backup would get there before he could get to his brother.

Jason recognized the ringtone. Campbell didn’t. That was a chance.

“If you’re going to kill me, at least let me say goodbye to my girlfriend.”

Campbell thought it over. He had only wanted to watch Sam suffer – killing Jason would be an added bonus. He was cruel, but he was not unreasonable.

“You have two minutes. Tell her you’re going to take a trip. Anything that sounds suspicious, and I shoot.”

Jason was grateful that Campbell was, ultimately, an idiot.

“Hey babe.”

Babe? Fuck. He was there. Elle had to be careful.

“Are you not coming home, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart was an extra touch – she’d never called anyone that. Campbell had called her that.

“No, I can’t. Late night at work, and the boys and I are going fishing in the morning. It could be awhile, we have a cabin for the week.”

Jason had no clue how to fish. That wasn’t the point – his mind was racing. He needed time, not truth.

The call lasted for another two minutes, before Campbell made him hang up. He hoped those two minutes had bought enough time for Sam to escape, or for backup to arrive, or for something to happen. He didn’t realize Sam couldn’t hear the gunshots.

There had been three of them. Clark had taken one to the shoulder and one to the leg, and Jason had taken one to the thigh. Luke and Clark were both passed out downstairs – Luke had tried to fight, but he had been slammed against a wall. Clark couldn’t see his own blood.

Jason was spared. Campbell slammed his head against the wall, and he fell limp. All that mattered was Sam. He was just a room away. He’d be the perfect victim – he always had been. Campbell had dreamed of doing this for years, and he finally would have his chance. He broke down the door and aimed his gun at his brother.

The sound of the gun cocking was loud. Only, it wasn’t his gun. Sam, standing in the corner, cowering. Campbell, gun in hand, pointing at Sam, halfway into the room. Elle, spare gun in hand, ready to shoot. She meant business.

He charged her before she could shoot. Both of their guns fell to the floor – a shot went off from Elle’s, lodging itself in the wall. It barely missed Sam’s ear. He yelped.

Campbell and Elle wrestled on the floor, taking turns pinning each other. Elle had gotten a lot stronger since she’d left Campbell – unfortunately, he had too. Him on top, his hands grasping around her throat, she worried she’d failed. She had fought, but she was going to die. He would finally kill her, just like she’d had nightmares of.

“Try it, and I’ll shoot.”

All three looked up – Grizz stood over Campbell, gun in hand. Pressed against Campbell’s forehead.

\---

Grizz had gotten home late, needing someone to talk to. His interview had gone poorly – the university had pulled funding from his department, and they were letting people go. He was the first on the chopping block. He was crushed – his dream had been to teach, and it had been taken from him. The drive home was horrible. He just wanted Sam.

Sam’s house was terrifying. There were three crashed cars, two of them police cruisers. The door was wide open. He parked and rushed out of his car, into Sam’s house. Clark was lying in a pool of his own blood, and Luke had blood trickling from somewhere on his head. They both had pulses, but they were faint. Grizz called 911 and raced up the stairs. He saw Jason – he was breathing. That was good. He could see into Sam’s room from the top of the stairs.

Sam was in the corner – a bullet hole next to his ear. Elle was lying on the floor, Campbell choking her. There was a gun near the door.

It felt like an out of body experience – it was almost as if he watched himself grab the gun, load it, and point it at Campbell. He heard his voice threaten Campbell – but it didn’t feel like him speaking. He watched as he fired two rounds into the man’s shoulder. Grizz had never shot a gun, let alone shot someone.

He would never be able to say that again.

Campbell fell backwards, closer to Sam. That was too dangerous – Campbell couldn’t be let near Sam. Grizz watched as he towered over the man, gun no longer in hand. Elle did something – he couldn’t see straight. Campbell went unconscious – he didn’t know how. All that mattered was Sam.

He raced to Sam’s side, and the neighborhood went ablaze with blue and red. Sirens wailed, telling them that it would be okay. Sam was okay. Wrapped in Grizz’s arms, Sam would always be okay.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They survived. That was all that mattered.
> 
> TW - reference to the violence from the previous chapter.

Sam would not have survived without Grizz. None of them would have. Multiple ambulances arrived at the house, carrying the Guard out on stretchers. Sam and Elle were both taken to the hospital as well – Grizz never left Sam’s side. He couldn’t see himself leaving Sam much the next few days. Becca and Kelly met them at the hospital, and the Guard’s girlfriends all arrived within the next hour. The local hospital was not used to having so many people there, but it did its best.

Sam, Elle, and Grizz were all treated for shock. Ultimately, Grizz was in the worst condition. He had shot a man – not shot to death, but still. He had fired a gun, with the intention of hitting another person. He didn’t know how to process that information. He had vomited twice.

Elle was the least impacted. She had known that, one day, Campbell would try and find her. She would never be safe from him – not while he was alive. Her house had survived the fire, thankfully. She had survived. Campbell was supposed to have rotted in jail – now, there was no question he would never see the light of day. She was going to make sure that he died in jail. She was going to live her life, in spite of him.

Sam was handling things shockingly well, all things considered. He was not, by any means, doing well. However, he was alive. With Campbell pointing the gun at him, the only thing he could think about was Grizz. He hadn’t told Grizz he loved him, yet. He wasn’t sure if he loved Grizz, or if it was the adrenaline talking. Either way, he hadn’t had the chance to explore the chance of a future with Grizz – he knew that, one day, he would tell him that he loved him.

Watching Grizz shoot his brother was shocking. Grizz was a gentle giant. He’d threatened Campbell with death if he tried to harm Sam. He’d shot Campbell.

Sam had never seen that side of Grizz – he knew it existed. Clark had sported a black-eye for a month after Grizz had punched him once. It suddenly dawned on Sam that Grizz had only ever used violence when it meant he was protecting Sam. He had never seen Grizz lift a finger against anyone, unless Sam was going to be someone’s victim. Granted, attempted murder was a very big step up from schoolyard bullying.

Grizz’s reaction had also been a very big step up.

\---

Sam, Grizz, and Elle were released from the hospital the next morning. The Guard would have to spend longer healing – Luke had a concussion, and Clark and Jason both needed surgery. Kelly and Helena were the most competent surgeons in the town – in the rarely used O.R., they had patched up the boys, both surgeries lasting under an hour.

Elle would stay with Becca and Kelly, at least until she could figure out what her next move would be. Grizz couldn’t let Sam out of his sight, and they were both dropped off at Grizz’s house. Sam had never been inside Grizz’s house – it felt like a step in their relationship. Sam almost wished he could go back to his own house, but he knew that he would never be able to sleep in his room again. The nightmares would be too fierce.

Grizz opened the door, and Sam walked inside.

The house was bigger than it looked – from the outside, it seemed like a normal house. Stepping inside, Sam realized the woods covered more than half the building. This was a mini-mansion, if not an actual mansion. It was massive. It was beautiful. It was also slightly messy.

There were stacks of papers on every table. Sam guessed that Grizz had been working on something important – between the piles of books and the mountains of reports, it looked like he had spent a lot of time on it.

Grizz grimaced when he saw the files. Sam couldn’t help but notice it.

“That doesn’t look like a happy face.”

Grizz shook his head, pushing the thought of his meeting out of his head. He thought he’d go and be interviewed to find out what classes he would teach best. He had no clue it would be an exit interview, for a job he hadn’t even started yet.

“It’s not, but we can talk about it later.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to keep anything from you. No secrets between us. But for now, I want to be happy you’re alive.”

Sam was alive. He was in the arms of the man he loved. He loved Grizz. It felt good to admit that, even if only to himself.

“We’re alive. Because of you.”

Sam reached up, and he thanked Grizz with a kiss. It was a deeper kiss than they’d ever shared. A kiss with potential, with promise. A kiss filled with hopefulness for the future.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Housing was now an issue that needed to be addressed. 
> 
> \--  
> The note didn't ask if Sam liked Grizz or not. Grizz knew that already. This was a different question. Grizz thought it was more important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - Reference to guns again.

For the first time ever, they sat next to each other in bed. They were still clothed – nothing like that would happen tonight. Tonight, they held each other. They anchored each other to life, reminding each other that they were still breathing. Occasionally, they shared a kiss that would have hinted at less-than-pure thoughts, had it been a normal day. They were not ready for a normal day. They were barely ready to leave each other’s arms.

Sam had been given a week off from work. He had an entire week to spend getting things ready. He knew that he was going to sell his house – once the bullet hole was patched up, and the blood was cleaned up, he would put his house on the market. He wasn’t ready to go back and pack up his things yet – he wouldn’t have to do it alone, and that made him feel better about the thought of being in his bedroom.

Part of him wanted to ask if he could move in with Grizz. Maybe not into Grizz’s bed, but maybe into one of the many, many extra rooms that filled the house. Rooms that had never even been entered – Grizz hadn’t explored his house much, as a kid. He went to his room, the kitchen, the office, and the living room. Those were Grizz’s spaces – even Luke had rarely been invited into them.

Grizz’s mother’s room was empty. She had let him have the master bedroom when they moved in – she didn’t plan on being a mother, let alone around much. Her room was barren, save for the bed she’d left behind. She’d bought a new one, just before she died. Grizz didn’t want to waste it. He’d already thought about offering it to Sam.

Sam asked first. “Grizz, do you mind if I don’t go home? Like, would it be okay if I stayed here? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I can’t spend another night there. If not, I can move in with Becca or something…” He trailed off. He had said it – he knew Grizz loved his voice.

Grizz smiled – it was a Grizz Smile. “Here, as in my bed? Or here, as in my house? Because you may need to convince me about the first one,” he said and signed, a mischievous glint in his eye. “But yes to staying in the house. I already have a room with a bed – I’d just need to get you sheets, towels, pillows. It’s all yours.”

Sam kissed Grizz – it was how he’d decided he’d say thank you to Grizz, for anything. Why waste words, when he could use his lips much more effectively?

And so it was decided – before they’d decided if they would officially date or not, it was decided that Sam would live with Grizz.

\---

Moving Sam out of his house took four days. There was a lot to move – ten years’ worth of clutter. There were also a lot of pauses – Sam sat down for an hour after seeing the bullet hole. Grizz sat with him, holding him. He couldn’t make it better. But he could make sure Sam didn’t have to experience it alone.

Grizz, admittedly, had a harder time than Sam did. The bullet hole shook him to his very core. He didn’t show his anxiety to Sam – he didn’t know how to be that vulnerable. He needed to share his thoughts with someone, and he wanted it to be Sam, but that didn’t mean that it could be Sam.

\---

After spending hours hauling boxes back and forth between the two places, Grizz asked Sam to stretch out his hand. In it, he placed a card. It was handmade.

Sam read it out loud. He was much more talkative around Grizz, loving the smile he had whenever he heard Sam’s voice.

 _Dear Sam_ , it read.

_Will you be my boyfriend?_

_[ ] Yes_

_[ ] No_

_please pick yes :)_

_Grizz_

Taped to the inside was a pen, and a key. Sam took the pen and made a big “X” over the _yes_. He took the key – the key to their house. It would just be a building, if they weren’t there. But they were there, and it was home. He couldn’t wait to walk inside, with his boyfriend’s hand pressed in his own.

Grizz breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time in his twenty-eight years on this Earth, he felt like he could truly breathe out. The man who’d blessed his dreams, who’d haunted his nightmares, and whose smile breathed life into Grizz’s existence was now his boyfriend.

Crossing the threshold to their house for the first time was a new experience. They both had separate rooms, but the space was theirs. It had only taken Sam almost dying – almost watching Sam die – for this moment to happen. But it finally had arrived. It had gotten a little lost, and it arrived a little late, but their moment had finally gotten there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not sure if I'll have any time to update this story in the next few days, so I wanted to pause on a happier note. This story still has a few more chapters to go, at least. :)
> 
> I hope you all have been enjoying it so far, btw! It's been fun to write, but I hope it's been good to read as well! If you have any criticisms, please let me know!! 
> 
> S/O to everyone who's been commenting, subscribing, and giving the kudos. You all are amazing! :)


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